“Who do you think you are? You’re messing up the whole project and making me look bad!!!! You know we were supposed to turn in the figures yesterday, but noooo. You’re so important you thought you could get away with a TWO-HOUR BREAK. I couldn’t get it done and it’s YOUR fault! You need to get your s**t together, EVERYONE thinks so!!!”

<appropriate response at the end>

These type of angry emails can be frustrating.  Especially if they cc: other people or say it in public.

We think we work with sane people.  But dysfunctional people show up not just in families but at work.

5 Types of High-Conflict People in the Workplace

There are formally 10 types of diagnosed personality disorders.  I’ve found that 5 are common in the workplace.

Here’s their characteristics, their driving force (aka the basic fear that triggers them) and fictional characters to help you identify them.

Angry / Borderline people have sudden mood swings and swing between either loving you or hating you.  Why?  Their basic fear is being abandoned.  Anakin Skywalker is a good fictional character example.  Due to being split from his parents early on, he was (later in life) impulsive, violent, anger issues, delusions of invulnerability and had an identity crisis.

Narcissistic people are egotistical and believe they’re superior.  They operate out of a sense of entitlement.  They lack empathy for others while being demanding and demeaning.  Why?  Their basic fear is being powerless or inferior.  The example here is Walter White in Breaking Bad.

Con Artist / Antisocial people are your typical con-artists.  They’re deceptive and manipulative without feeling any guilt.  Why?  Their basic fear is being dominated.  The example here is The Grinch.  He lacked remorse. He was happy making other people unhappy.  He loved to bully and was secretly depressed.

Dramatic / Histrionic people are prima donnas.  They’re overly dramatic, superficial and exaggerate so that they’re the center of attention.  Why?  Their basic fear is being ignored.  Derek Zoolander is the example here.  He always assumed others wanted him sexually (and was wrong), was shallow, used his physical appearance to draw attention, was overly dramatic and was more uncomfortable when not the center of attention.

Suspicious / Paranoid people don’t trust others.  They think everyone is out to get them.  They bear a grudge, are hyper-sensitive or take things personally.  Why?  Their basic fear is being betrayed.  Here we have the husband from the Julia Roberts movie Sleeping with the Enemy.  He doubted the loyalty of his wife, was quick to become angry and hostile and believed that his wife had hidden motives.  We know she did in the end, but who can blame her.

The examples above are extreme cases.  But I bet you’ve seen some form of these in your own workplace.

How to Respond with High-Conflict People

First, you don’t have to react to respond.  But if you must, the best response for these types of high-conflict people is The BIFF Response® Method.  BIFF is an acronym for Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm (aka BIFF).  A BIFF response will help you set boundaries and concentrate the conversation into how to solve the problem.

Here’s a summary of BIFF.

If you want more info on how to deal with a high-conflict person, then read BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns.  Start communicating in ways that can calm those types of people down, so you can be more productive and at peace.

p.s.  Oh yeah, an example BIFF response to the high-conflict person email example.

“Hi Coworker A, I appreciate your concern for getting reports in on time. As I mentioned in my email to everyone last week, my meeting couldn’t be rescheduled. I’ve attached a copy of the email for you. You’ll see that Ms. Boss gave us an extension until Fri. I am available all afternoon. What time can you meet to finish the figures? Have a good morning. –Me”.

The post How to deal with <ugh> high-conflict people at work appeared first on Suzan Nascimento >> Inside-Out Leadership.